By Michael Kelman Portney

Donald Trump isn’t a man in the traditional sense. He’s something else entirely—a gelatinous mass of instinct, ego, and opportunism. He oozes into every crevice of society, testing for weak spots, seeping into the cracks, and expanding until something gives. If you’ve ever wondered how someone so chaotic could also be so effective, look no further than slime.

Body:

1. The Nature of Gelatinous Slime:

Slime is amorphous. It has no fixed shape, no defined structure, no discernible principles. It’s both everything and nothing. This is Trump’s superpower. He isn’t confined by the boundaries of morality, logic, or consistency. He simply pushes in all directions until resistance collapses.

2. Testing Every Corner:

Consider how Trump navigates politics, business, and media. He doesn’t need a strategy in the traditional sense. Instead, he applies pressure everywhere—whether it’s through outrageous statements, impulsive tweets, or bending legal norms—and waits to see what gives. When something cracks, he oozes in, claiming victory.

3. Adaptability and Persistence:

Like any good slime, Trump is highly adaptable. Criticism doesn’t stick to him because he has no defined surface. One moment, he’s the champion of the working class; the next, he’s bragging about his opulence. This inconsistency isn’t a flaw—it’s the essence of his power. He becomes whatever the situation demands, provided it benefits him.

4. The Chaos Factor:

Gelatinous slime doesn’t move in straight lines. It wobbles, slides, and spills unpredictably, creating chaos wherever it goes. Trump’s presidency was a masterclass in this chaos. By the time anyone figured out what he was doing, he was already onto the next corner, the next institution, the next norm to test.

5. Why It Works:

Systems rely on rules, consistency, and a shared belief in structure. Slime relies on none of these things. It thrives in disorder, feeding off confusion and exploiting weaknesses. Trump has shown that if you push hard enough, long enough, and without shame, the walls eventually give way.

Donald Trump isn’t a statesman, a businessman, or even a politician. He’s a gelatinous mass, rolling through society, absorbing power, and leaving chaos in his wake. But here’s the thing about slime: it’s only as powerful as the mess it’s allowed to thrive in. The question isn’t whether Trump will keep pushing—it’s whether we’ll keep letting him.

So, what do we do? Maybe it’s time to stop treating slime like it’s something solid and start cleaning up the mess that lets it exist in the first place.