Mitch McConnell Decries Judicial Dirty Pool, Forgets His Crown as King of the Deep End

By Michael Kelman Portney

In a plot twist befitting a Shakespearean comedy—or perhaps a courtroom farce—Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell expressed his profound disappointment over a federal judge’s decision to delay retirement after originally announcing they would step down. For a man who has built a legacy of masterful political maneuvering in judicial confirmations, McConnell’s sudden outrage over “dirty pool” struck many as a curious case of selective memory loss.

The judge in question had planned to retire, paving the way for President Biden to nominate a replacement. But in an unexpected move, they opted to stay on the bench a little longer—leaving McConnell, who once held a Supreme Court seat open for nearly a year, fuming over the supposed breach of decorum.

“This kind of flip-flopping damages the integrity of the judiciary,” McConnell said with an air of indignation, somehow managing to keep a straight face. “Judges should not play politics with their decisions to retire or remain in service.”

The Irony Is Thicker Than His Memoirs

This, from the man who famously blocked President Obama’s Supreme Court nominee Merrick Garland in 2016, citing an invented rule that presidents shouldn’t fill vacancies during an election year. Four years later, McConnell reversed course faster than a gavel hitting the bench, rushing Amy Coney Barrett’s confirmation just days before the 2020 election.

Political scientists, late-night comedians, and high school civics teachers alike are now grappling with the implications of McConnell’s newfound concern for judicial consistency.

A Lesson in Pool Etiquette

Critics argue that McConnell’s latest remarks highlight his unparalleled ability to condemn others for tactics he’s spent decades perfecting. "If judicial appointments are a game of pool, Mitch McConnell is the one walking into the bar with his own cue stick and chalk,” quipped one political analyst. “And now he’s upset someone else made a bank shot he didn’t see coming.”

McConnell, however, seems unfazed by the irony of his critique. “The American people deserve a judiciary free of political gamesmanship,” he declared, apparently hoping no one was paying attention during the last decade.

The Real Stakes

Despite the theater, McConnell’s reaction underscores the high stakes of judicial nominations, where the composition of the courts can shape policy for generations. For McConnell, the delay means Biden has more time to nominate judges to lower courts, something that’s clearly eating at the senator’s soul—or at least his political playbook.

As McConnell doubles down on his accusations of unfairness, one can’t help but wonder: does he see the irony in crying “dirty pool” when he’s spent his career redefining the game’s rules? Or is this just another strategic break in his decades-long tournament of judicial brinkmanship?

If nothing else, this latest chapter offers a valuable civics lesson: when Mitch McConnell talks about fairness in the judiciary, you’d better check for spin—because the cue ball is probably heading straight for your pocket.