By Michael Kelman Portney

Religious outreach has always been part of the digital landscape. From inbox invitations to street conversations, faith-based organizations often take steps to reach out and share their beliefs. For those of us who hold different perspectives—whether secular, spiritual, or simply different—it can be a delicate dance to respond respectfully while staying true to our own beliefs. Recently, I had one of these encounters, and it made me reflect on how best to approach these conversations. Here’s what happened, and what I learned.

The message came from a Christian outreach organization, asking how God has impacted my life and inviting me to reflect on the promises of faith. They framed it as a way to counter misinformation and find deeper meaning through God. Their question was, “How has God had an impact on your life?”

To give you some context, I was born Jewish and have identified as an atheist for most of my life. That said, I’m not closed off to big questions about reality and existence. Recently, I’ve been toying with the idea that we might be living in a simulation—a notion that skirts the edges of philosophy and science fiction more than traditional theology. So, in my reply, I shared my background, expressed my skepticism, and respectfully clarified that I don’t subscribe to the premise of Jesus Christ as the Messiah.

Here’s what my response looked like:

> “I was born Jewish and have been an atheist most of my life, although lately I’ve started coming around to the idea that we may be living in a simulation. I outright reject the premise of Jesus Christ as the Messiah, but thanks for asking.”

I thought about what this response accomplished and why I felt it struck the right balance. Here are a few thoughts on why clarity, politeness, and setting boundaries are essential in navigating conversations like these.

1. Be Clear About Your Beliefs (Without Apology)

One of the easiest traps to fall into is sugarcoating our beliefs to avoid offending the other person. In reality, being clear and unapologetic is often the kindest way to communicate where you stand. Ambiguity can lead to misunderstandings, which may result in repeated outreach or more probing questions. By directly stating that I’m an atheist and explaining a bit of my worldview, I established my perspective without leaving any confusion.

Saying “I outright reject the premise of Jesus Christ as the Messiah” might seem blunt, but it’s also direct. This type of clarity often helps the other person understand that, while I respect their message, I’m not open to persuasion. If we’re not honest about our beliefs, we risk setting up the conversation for prolonged or unwanted follow-ups, which can become uncomfortable.

2. Acknowledge Curiosity or Exploration (If You Feel It)

I chose to mention my interest in the simulation theory—a concept rooted more in science and philosophy than in traditional religion. I did this because, while I don’t subscribe to their beliefs, I’m not completely closed off to the mysteries of existence. This part of my response could show that I’m still open to big questions about reality, even if I approach them from a secular angle.

Acknowledging any areas of exploration or curiosity we have can create a richer conversation, but it’s important to be cautious. Mentioning simulation theory could be misinterpreted as openness to spirituality, which might encourage further conversation about faith. In hindsight, this could be an unintended door opener. But for those who want to connect with others across philosophical lines, it can be valuable to include shared curiosity, so long as it’s done carefully.

3. Respectful Rejection: Politeness Goes a Long Way

When we’re confronted with a worldview that doesn’t align with our own, it can be tempting to respond dismissively. However, a simple, polite phrase like “Thanks for asking” can go a long way in keeping the tone respectful. I chose to close my message with this phrase to acknowledge their effort to reach out, even if I didn’t agree with it.

Politeness, especially in discussions about religion, can act as a buffer. It shows that you respect their right to share their beliefs, and it also demonstrates your own values in action—values of respect, open-mindedness, and civility. By thanking them, I conveyed that I didn’t view their outreach as intrusive, but rather as an opportunity to briefly share my own beliefs and then let it be.

4. Set Boundaries While Leaving Room for Humanity

Boundaries are essential in conversations where beliefs are fundamentally different. If you’re too open-ended, it could lead to repeated attempts at conversion. If you’re too harsh, it can create unnecessary conflict. By stating “I outright reject the premise,” I set a boundary on that specific topic. However, adding “thanks for asking” left a touch of humanity and civility in the interaction, signaling that, while I wasn’t open to conversion, I wasn’t rejecting the individual behind the message.

This balance—boundaries paired with humanity—is essential in any conversation about beliefs. It keeps the interaction constructive and leaves space for mutual respect, rather than turning into a debate or shutting down dialogue entirely.

Final Thoughts: Balancing Openness with Self-Respect

Religious conversations can be a challenging space to navigate, especially when the beliefs involved are deeply personal. But setting boundaries doesn’t mean being cold or closed-off. It means having the self-respect to stand by your own views while recognizing that others have every right to hold their own. In the end, conversations like this don’t need to be conflicts; they can be exchanges where we express our differences respectfully.

We live in a world where online outreach—whether it’s for religion, products, or political causes—is a given. We can’t control who reaches out, but we can control how we respond. For me, the key takeaway is this: politeness, clarity, and a little openness to curiosity go a long way in shaping meaningful, respectful interactions. So next time you get a message asking if you’ve found your way to God, remember that you don’t have to compromise who you are to respond with kindness and clarity.