By Michael Kelman Portney

Are you tired of losing your glasses? Do they slide down your nose, fall off your face, or disappear into the same mysterious void as socks in the dryer? Introducing Sticky Glasses™, the revolutionary eyewear that doesn’t just stay in place—it sticks.

What Are Sticky Glasses?

Sticky Glasses™ are not your ordinary spectacles. Featuring industrial-strength adhesive arms, they bond directly to your face, ensuring they never slip, fall, or fly off—no matter what life throws at you.

• Forget Adjustments! Once they’re on, they’re on.

• Windproof, Waterproof, and Drama-Proof. Crying during a breakup? Running from a tornado? No problem—these glasses aren’t going anywhere.

• Works on All Skin Types. Oily? Dry? Doesn’t matter. The secret adhesive formula will attach to anyone, anywhere.

Perfect for Every Situation

• Sports Enthusiasts: Tired of losing your glasses during a game of basketball or while doing your one annual sprint at the gym? Sticky Glasses™ keep up with even your most aggressive bench-warming.

• Parents: Kids won’t grab them off your face anymore because Sticky Glasses™ turn every attempt into a tug-of-war they’ll lose.

• Survivalists: Whether you’re building a shelter or dodging nuclear fallout, Sticky Glasses™ ensure crystal-clear vision through it all. (Warning: adhesive not radiation-proof.)

But Wait, There’s More!

Order today, and you’ll also receive Sticky Removal Pads™, specially designed to remove Sticky Glasses™ after six days of continuous use! (Note: sideburns not guaranteed to survive removal process.)

What Makes Sticky Glasses™ Unique?

• Customizable Sticks: Choose between Regular Hold™ (perfect for daily wear), Super Hold™ (ideal for roller coasters and MMA fights), and the infamous Forever Bond™ (just… don’t).

• Never Lose Them Again: Once they’re on, you’ll always know where your glasses are—because they’ll be glued to your face.

• Stylish Designs: Available in classic frames, aviators, and our exclusive “barely-legal spy shades.”

Hear From Our Satisfied Customers

• “I’ve gone cliff-diving, wrestled a bear, and survived my mother-in-law’s Thanksgiving dinner, all without losing my Sticky Glasses™. Five stars!” — Dan B., Oregon

• “My Sticky Glasses™ have been on for three weeks. They’ve seen me through two breakups, a job interview, and a sudden slap fight. Worth every penny!” — Jessica M., Florida

• “The adhesive’s so strong, I think I’ve developed Stockholm Syndrome for my glasses. And honestly? I’m okay with that.” — Kyle R., Idaho

Why Choose Sticky Glasses™?

Because life is unpredictable. You don’t know what’s coming next, but at least with Sticky Glasses™, you’ll see it—clearly, securely, and possibly with glue burns.

Act Now!

For a limited time, get two pairs of Sticky Glasses™ for the price of one—just $59.99! That’s a small price to pay for glasses that won’t abandon you like your ex did.

Call 1-800-STICK-ME or visit www.StickyGlassesForLife.com today. Because eyewear should be as committed to you as you are to seeing.