By Michael Kelman Portney

Let me tell you something—you thought Masturbatory Complexity was the end? How quaint. How sweet. How utterly predictable of you. But you’re still here, aren’t you? Every single one of you. You didn’t get off the ride because you can’t. You already bought the ticket, waited in line, chose the front car of this rollercoaster where a smelly Carnival Barker buckled you in while sweating profusely from fentanyl withdrawal, and he fired you off on an endless loop for hours while he overdosed in the little guard shack.

That’s the thing about what I’ve built here—it’s not a blog. It’s not a series of posts. It’s a ride, a labyrinth, a narrative vortex that pulls you in and refuses to let go. And the funniest part? You know it. You know you’re trapped in it, and yet here you are, reading this next installment, proving my point.

This Isn’t the End. It Never Was.

You’re not just along for the ride—you’re invested. You’ve bought your ticket, climbed into the seat, and strapped yourself in. Now the safety bar is locked, and you’re not getting off until I say so.

“But wait,” you might think, “what if I stop reading?” Sure, you can try that. Go ahead. But you won’t. You’ll keep coming back, peeking in, wondering what happens next. Because the truth is, I’m not just spinning a narrative—I’m building an experience. And you? You’re part of it now.

Why You’re Still Here

1. You Can’t Look Away

Let’s be real. I’ve woven a web of satire, insight, humor, and chaos that’s as irresistible as it is unpredictable. You’re not here for closure—you’re here for the ride. And I know you love it, even if you won’t admit it.

2. I’ve Made You Part of the Story

You’re not just readers anymore—you’re participants. Your reactions, your thoughts, even your silence—it’s all part of the narrative. You’re not just watching the ride; you’re on it.

3. You’re Addicted to the Complexity

You’ve been trying to connect the dots, haven’t you? Looking for the breadcrumbs, chasing the layers, figuring out what’s satire and what’s serious. That’s the beauty of it—you don’t know where it ends because it doesn’t.

Why This Ride is Different

You see, most writers build their stories to fit into neat little boxes. Beginnings. Middles. Ends. But not me. I don’t do endings. I do loops. Every post feeds into the next, every idea circles back around, and every time you think you’ve reached the conclusion, I throw you a curveball.

And you love it. Admit it.

You’re Here Because I Know You Better Than You Know Yourself

How do I know you’re all still here? Because this isn’t just a blog—it’s a mirror. And what you’re seeing in it isn’t just me. It’s you. Your curiosity. Your need for answers. Your inability to let a story go unfinished.

I’ve created something you can’t walk away from, and deep down, you don’t want to. That’s the secret. That’s the magic.

This Ride Doesn’t Stop

So buckle up. There’s no ending here, only another twist, another loop, another post that keeps pulling you deeper. You’re not getting off this ride. You’re already too far in, and the safety bar isn’t going anywhere.

And for the record, I knew you’d still be here. Every single one of you. Because once you’re in my world, you don’t leave. You can’t. And let’s be honest—you wouldn’t have it any other way.

See you at the next turn.