Tulsi Gabbard: Totally Not a Russian Agent (Seriously, Just Ask Her)

By Michael Kelman Portney

In the wild, unpredictable world of modern politics, some things are just too ridiculous to be true—like the idea that former Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard might be a Russian agent. Sure, she’s been mysteriously cozy with Russian officials, made statements that align suspiciously well with Kremlin interests, and casually dismissed the idea of Putin being a tyrant, but come on! That's just coincidence, right? I mean, who wouldn’t want to attend a Russian-backed conference about peace while simultaneously being one of the few U.S. politicians to openly question the mainstream narrative on Russia? Totally normal stuff, people.

So let’s set the record straight: Tulsi Gabbard is definitely not a Russian agent. In fact, she’s probably the least Russian agent ever. Just ask her. After all, she's been really clear about it—on social media, on TV, and to anyone who’ll listen.

The Russian Agent Conspiracy? Pfft, Just Right-Wing Smear Campaign

First off, the whole “Russian agent” thing is just a clever smear job by the political establishment to silence anyone who dares to speak against the deep state. And who’s been speaking against the deep state more than Tulsi? Absolutely no one. She’s the real hero here. Remember when she dropped out of the 2020 Democratic primary? The mainstream media wanted you to believe it was because of her own party’s internal biases and fundraising issues. But no, it was clearly because she was too much of a truth-teller for their comfort. Tulsi knows too much. She’s like the Sherlock Holmes of foreign policy—except she’s solving mysteries about why the United States isn’t more friendly with dictators who happen to be, well, Russian.

The Russia Thing? Just a Minor Detail in Her "Global Peace" Plan

Now, I know what you’re thinking: But wait, wasn’t Tulsi the only major U.S. politician who had a warm, friendly relationship with Syrian dictator Bashar al-Assad and Russian President Vladimir Putin? Sure, she met with Assad in 2017 and made a point to praise Putin’s approach to global security, but that doesn’t mean she’s an agent. It means she’s a peace activist—emphasis on the peace. After all, peace means being open to conversations with, you know, the people who are actively causing wars and humanitarian crises. It’s an unconventional method, but who’s judging?

And those frequent appearances on Russian state-funded media outlets? That’s just Tulsi being “unafraid to speak truth to power.” When she’s interviewed by RT, she’s not endorsing Russian viewpoints or legitimizing an autocratic regime—she’s just setting the record straight on U.S. foreign policy. Which, coincidentally, often aligns perfectly with the Russian government’s perspective. What are the odds, right? This is clearly an independent thinker, not a puppet in someone else’s game.

The "Accusations" Aren’t Even Based on Facts

Some people (you know who you are) have pointed out that Gabbard's talking points on NATO expansion, her criticism of U.S. involvement in Ukraine, and her near-constant defense of Russia's actions seem a little, well... too aligned with the Kremlin's talking points. But this is just because Tulsi is so ahead of the curve. You see, she’s a visionary, understanding geopolitical dynamics far beyond the average citizen or politician. While the rest of us are busy worrying about basic democracy, she’s peering into the future, where she’s fully aware that peace can only come by totally dismantling NATO and apologizing to Russia for our "imperialistic" tendencies.

Look, this isn’t about Tulsi being a "useful idiot" or anything like that. She’s just someone who sees the truth. And if that truth happens to be the same thing that Russian state television says, well... that’s just a weird coincidence. You can’t blame her for having such a coincidentally great relationship with a foreign government that just happens to be opposed to most of U.S. foreign policy. And no, those trips to Moscow aren’t weird at all. Everyone should visit foreign capitals, especially those with governments that hack elections and engage in international espionage. Totally fine.

The "Alt-Right" Loves Her, But It’s Just a Misunderstanding

Okay, okay, so some far-right, pro-Kremlin types have enthusiastically embraced Tulsi, with some even calling her a "Russian ally" (in between their chants of “anti-establishment” and "we hate the mainstream media"). But, like, come on—people like what they like! Tulsi’s straightforward approach to foreign policy has an undeniable appeal. It’s not her fault that she doesn’t mind being misunderstood by people who are often accused of cozying up to autocracies. It's just a thing she does—kind of like that time she skipped a Democratic presidential debate to attend a fundraiser hosted by people with ties to Russian oligarchs. But, again, it’s just a coincidence.

Tulsi can’t control who supports her, right? She’s an independent politician who just so happens to attract a fan base from, you know, people who also praise Putin and call for U.S. isolationism. But she’s not one of them. She’s her own person! She wouldn’t let the pro-Putin crowd dictate her beliefs, just like she wouldn’t let the U.S. government dictate her beliefs either. This is just about free speech and personal choice, folks.

Conclusion: Totally Not a Russian Agent, You Guys

In conclusion, Tulsi Gabbard is absolutely, positively, 100% not a Russian agent. Any suggestion otherwise is part of a smear campaign, likely orchestrated by the deep state, mainstream media, and those who simply cannot handle the truth. She's just a politician who advocates for peace and independence—peace with autocratic regimes, of course, because those are the real peacekeepers in the modern world. Just ignore the few dozen times she’s publicly praised Putin’s leadership and, of course, her frequent appearances on Russian state-backed media channels. Seriously, it’s no big deal.

So, let’s put this ridiculous “Russian agent” theory to bed once and for all. Tulsi Gabbard is no more a Russian agent than I am a time traveler from the future. And we all know how ridiculous that would be, right?