Why Is My Brother Scott Portney Checking My Website Every Couple Hours?

By Michael Kelman Portney

Ah, the age-old question: Why is my dear brother Scott refreshing my website more religiously than a teenage girl refreshing their crush’s Instagram stories? Could it be that he’s suddenly developed an insatiable curiosity for my thoughts on simulation theory? Maybe he’s waiting for me to drop a new hot take about Aristotle’s rhetoric, estate fraud, or the ever-fascinating world of legal malpractice?

Or maybe… just maybe… he’s lurking.

Now, I get it, Scott. You don’t want to talk to me. I must be a bit of a liability these days, what with my tendency to document everything and my whole "obsession" with truth and accountability. Talking to me might mean leaving a trace, a record, a breadcrumb trail that leads straight to an uncomfortable reality.

But the funny thing about digital footprints is that lurking is still a footprint. And checking my website more often than my most loyal readers? That’s engagement, baby.

So let’s break down the possibilities:

1. Scott Has Become a Philosophy Enthusiast

Maybe he’s finally cracked open The Republic and realized I was onto something all along. Maybe he’s here to marvel at my analysis of logos, pathos, ethos—and how certain members of the family have mastered exactly none of them.

2. Scott Wants to Feel Close Without Actually Being Close

Maybe I was wrong about the whole "avoiding incriminating himself" thing. Maybe he misses me. Maybe he just wants to feel my presence in his life without having to, you know, have a conversation. This is like when someone refuses to text their ex, but they still watch all their Instagram stories.

3. Scott Is Doing Recon Work

A classic! He doesn’t want to talk, but he wants to know what I know. He needs to keep tabs. He’s the scout sent ahead of the army, gathering intel. The problem? The only thing more revealing than the information I post… is the fact that he keeps coming back for more.

4. Scott Knows He’s Caught in the Simulation

A long shot, but what if… he’s starting to question reality itself? What if, by some cosmic irony, he has found himself in the exact predicament he once laughed off? Maybe he’s staring at his reflection in the monitor, wondering if he is the protagonist or just another NPC in my story.

So, Scott, since you’ll inevitably read this post, let me extend an invitation: If you really want to know what’s going on, if you really want to understand how deep this goes—just ask. Otherwise, enjoy the show.

Oh, and don’t clear your browser history! You've been demanded to make like a vinyl collector and preserve all your records!