Understanding Autism: The Power of Patience and Perspective
By Michael Kelman Portney
🚨 A Call for Awareness, Not Pity
When people talk about autism awareness, they often focus on the obvious—the textbook traits, the surface-level accommodations. They talk about sensory sensitivities, social difficulties, and routines. But what they don’t talk about enough is how society responds to autistic people in moments of stress, and how small adjustments in understanding can make a massive difference.
This isn’t about looking down on autistic people. It’s not about talking slower, softer, or dumbing things down. Autistic people don’t need you to minimize them. They don’t need a patronizing tone or excessive hand-holding. What they do need, sometimes, is patience—and a moment of consideration for how their brains process the world.
Fight or Flight: The High-Stakes Reality of Overwhelm
Every person experiences fight or flight—that moment when stress or sensory overload triggers an instinctual response. But for autistic individuals, that response can hit harder, faster, and with more intensity because their nervous systems are already working overtime to process the world around them.
A conversation that feels routine to you might feel like a sensory overload to them.
A simple moment of miscommunication might be the tipping point into a meltdown—not because they’re overreacting, but because their brain is reaching full capacity.
A high-pressure interaction might register as a direct threat, not because they misread the situation, but because their nervous system is wired for high-alert processing.
Here’s the truth: Most autistic people are not choosing to be difficult. They are navigating an environment that was not designed with them in mind.
And here’s where you come in.
How You Can Help Without Talking Down
Autistic people don’t need condescension. But what they do need is a little more room to breathe, a little more flexibility in how interactions unfold. Here’s what that looks like:
✅ Respect their space. If they seem overwhelmed, don’t push for an immediate response. Give them a second. A beat of silence. A moment to reset.
✅ Don’t take their tone personally. Some autistic people speak directly—no sugar-coating, no unnecessary pleasantries. That’s not rudeness; it’s efficiency.
✅ If you see signs of stress, slow down—not your words, but your expectations. If they seem like they’re on edge, you don’t have to “fix” them. Just recognize that they may be processing more than what’s visible.
✅ Understand that a meltdown is not aggression—it’s system overload. If someone shuts down, walks away, or gets visibly distressed, they are not being difficult. They are dealing with too much input at once. The best thing you can do is make the environment less intense rather than trying to force a resolution.
✅ Give them the same respect you’d give anyone else. No need for pity. No need for exaggerated kindness. Just treat them like an equal while giving them the room they need to engage in a way that works for them.
Compassion Over Control
Too often, society treats autistic people like a problem to be solved rather than individuals to be understood. But the reality is, understanding takes nothing away from you. Being patient with an autistic person doesn’t mean you’re compromising yourself. It just means you’re making room for both people in the conversation to exist as they are.
Autistic people don’t need you to bend over backward. They don’t need endless accommodations or constant adjustments. They just need a little more patience, a little more flexibility, and the benefit of the doubt when their reactions don’t fit into a neurotypical mold.
That’s not special treatment. That’s basic human respect.
And when that respect is given freely—without condescension, without hesitation—it makes the world a much more livable place for everyone.
