Introducing Ads From the Apocalypse™

By Michael Kelman Portney

The end of the world has never been so marketable! Imagine a world where cataclysmic doom isn't just inevitable—it’s a branded experience. Here at MisinformationSucks.com, we’re proud to present Ads From the Apocalypse™, a satirical look at what happens when corporations can’t resist turning disaster into dollars.

1. "Got Plague?™" - A Bubonic Classic Reimagined

“Why suffer through the Black Death in silence when you can suffer in style? Got Plague?™ brings you vintage-inspired hazmat suits with a designer twist. Pair yours with a matching gas mask and get 15% off your next apocalypse-themed brunch!”

2. "Hunger Games: Home Edition™"

"Who needs food banks when you have Hunger Games: Home Edition™! Sponsor your district’s survival kit today and earn rewards points for every meal replacement ration. Coming soon: limited-edition machetes and camouflage jumpsuits!"

3. "Doomscroll Premium™"

“Why stop at scrolling through the chaos when you could be living it? Doomscroll Premium™ offers ad-free catastrophes, live-streamed devastation, and exclusive access to influencer end-of-the-world playlists. Upgrade now before Wi-Fi ends!”

4. "Soylent Crisis™ - Now With 30% More Mystery!"

"Looking for a sustainable way to outlast your neighbors? Try Soylent Crisis™, the only meal made by survivors, for survivors. Don’t ask what’s in it, just eat it before someone eats you."

5. "Mushroom Cloud Insurance™"

"Because when life gives you nuclear fallout, you’ll wish you had coverage. Mushroom Cloud Insurance™ protects against spontaneous mutations, irradiated crops, and zombie hordes. Sign up now and get a free lead-lined umbrella!"

6. "Judgment Day Dating™"

"Why face eternal damnation alone? Judgment Day Dating™ pairs you with your perfect match for those final fiery moments. Our AI algorithm guarantees compatibility—or your soul back!"

7. "Mad Max Motors™"

"Who says the end of the world can’t come with style? Cruise the wastelands in a fully-loaded apocalypse-ready muscle car from Mad Max Motors™. Now with extra spikes and flame throwers. Financing available for survivors!"

8. "CryoSave Vaults™"

"Not ready to let go of your mortal coil? CryoSave Vaults™ offers you a chance to sit out the apocalypse in cryogenic comfort. Awake to a better world—or at least, what’s left of it."

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Why Ads From the Apocalypse™?

Because nothing—nothing—is safe from commodification. These tongue-in-cheek “ads” remind us how branding can infiltrate even the gravest situations, turning existential dread into another profit stream. As absurd as they may seem, they’re only a half-step away from reality. (Looking at you, influencer apocalypse merch.)

So, strap in, grab your branded gas mask, and keep refreshing the page. The world might end, but the hustle never does.

Ads From the Apocalypse™: Because extinction doesn’t have to be boring.™